Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Finding My Community

This morning while the Boy was playing puzzles and the Mouse was on the tv, I took a minute to scroll through facebook and came across another Rachel Martin, Finding Joy post. You see this woman lives in my head. I am sure of it. She always manages to know how I am feeling on a particular day and has some inspirational words that I read {and read again} to pull me out of my funk or whatever I am feeling.

You all live in such a digital world and lose community, I think.

I couldn't agree more!

Community is what we as mothers need. How often do you walk into a crowded room, a room full of woman, and instead of feeling like sisters you feel alone?

She seriously lives in my head!

I can't say that I have ever really felt like I fit in anywhere.  In high school I had friends from all the different groups. But sometimes I felt like they let me tag along because they felt bad. Why do I think this?  Because I still am close with a few friends from high school but most of it is just casual interaction via social media. I understand you grow and you change but I would be lying if I said I don't envy those friends that I see that live all around the country and yet still manage to have the kind of friendship as if they were in the same neighborhood.

College was fun and I can honestly say that I met one of my BFFs in college. Complete opposites but opposites attract. And just like high school more casual social media interactions and I can't {honestly} say that I see anyone planning any reunions anytime soon.

When H.B.Nanna was born we lived in NJ and I never really had a great "Mom" connection with anyone.  We moved away and I still have friends in NJ {after all I did live there all my life} but it does proving to be challenging when 125 miles separate you. We have become really close with a couple we met in our pre-natal class {so what if we didn't actually talk until our last class?!} They have traveled to our {many DE rentals} for weekend beach trips and we even vacationed together in Disney.  They have become lifelong friends of ours.

Since we have moved to DE, H.B.Nanna has been in school and the Boy has made lots of little buddies. I was very lucky to meet up with a group of Moms who were all transplants from other areas and who were all fairly new to parenting.  We had a lot in common but it was a very formal group. Things happened and the group fell apart.  I was lucky enough to remain friends with a few of these Moms and we have built {at least I think} some great friendships. Sometimes I feel like we are in the early stages of dating {even after 3 years} where things are planned in advance and almost still feel formal. I am sure it is because we {almost all} have younger children and with young children that is what you do.

It saddens me though.  I remember growing up and there were always family and friends at our home.  It was never anything fancy.  They pop in to say hi, the kids start playing and next thing we know the pizza man is at the door. Or dinner is on the table and your friends and their parents show up with a pitcher or margaritas or to have a cup of tea.  I want to live in that world again.  I understand that we don't live close to a lot of family.  But family isn't always blood.

I want my friends to feel like they can call at the last minute and say lets get a pizza {gluten free of course!} I want to not worry about if my house is straightened up for guests.  I want my friends to see my lived in house and my toddler have a meltdown. I want them to see the laundry basket on the stairs and the mail stacked on the counter.  I want to rummage through the fridge and see what I can pull together for dinner while our children run around, cry because they are hungry and all we can do is laugh as we sip our wine.  I want husbands to show up after work to meet their families. I want bedtimes to be pushed back because it's only 7:00 and we are all having a great time.

Call me crazy. Call me old fashioned. Call me whatever you want. I want my children to have a sense of community.  I need to have a sense of community.  And not just through social media or text message.  So who's coming for pizza?!

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