Wednesday, August 29, 2012

At this moment

At this moment everyone in my house is asleep but me.
I have a lot going through my head and it is hard to turn it off and go to sleep.
 
H.B.Nanna went to bed somewhat better tonight.
Better in the sense that there was no kicking and screaming.
Or beating on the bedroom door because Daddy wouldn't sing 10 songs.
It still took her over an hour to settle down and go to sleep.
To be 3 again...
 
Baby Boy is stirring in his pack and play.
He wiggles so much that he was wiggling the pin loose on the
cradle so he has graduated from the cradle.
Next step is the crib in his room but we need to get past 2 hour feedings at night.
I am listing to ocean waves on the sound machine.
This boy is truly a beach boy - he slept soundly for 3 hours at the beach today.
 
My sister is getting married this weekend.
We aren't particularly close but I was happy when she asked me to be her Matron of Honor.
I am having anxiety about the speech. Not the speech itself.
The giving it to 150 people. Picture them in their underwear, right?!
 
My sister and I on my wedding day.
 
Stephen won't be with me for some of the pre-wedding festivities.
I find I need him for balance and to keep me sane.
I love my family but sometimes things can get a bit overwhelming.
I'll have the children with me and that will great.
As long as H.B.Nanna doesn't have any demon moments.
I know..she is 3 and it to shall pass.  
 
I start back to work next week.
I have such anxiety about this.
I had more time at home with H.B.Nanna when she was born but I worked full time then.
 
As Baby Boy gets older {2 months now!} I realize how much H.B.Nanna is growing.
I struggle with finding the time to spend quality time with her.
I don't like telling her I can't do something with her because her brother needs me.
I feel like I am missing out on things with her.
And yet I want to enjoy all of those first baby moments with the boy too.
I worry that before I figure out how to balance the two, she'll be older and not interested in good times with Mommy and he'll be her age and I will have missed everything.
I know it may sound crazy but I miss my girl and all the time we spent together.
It was just her all the time and now it's her and I and the boy.

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