Monday, January 3, 2011

Ups and Downs

Ups and downs. One step forward, two steps back.

Life is full of them. After all, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right?

You would think that after 30 years I might be better at dealing with them.

Unfortunately that isn’t always the case.

I am learning that I am really good at setting myself up for disappointment. Don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful life, a loving husband, a beautiful/healthy daughter, a cuddly dog and supportive family and friends. But I am really good at setting myself up for something good then only to be disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

It’s in my nature. I’m a planner. Over planner some might say. I don’t know how to otherwise explain it. But I am learning that the disappointment is awful and that I am letting it affect me more then I should.

{How convenient that I am having this revelation in time for the New Year}

I know they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks but I am going to try. I don’t know that I could ever completely “cure” myself of this but I am going to try. I don’t want to not get excited for things but I don’t know that I can let myself get “as” excited as I have previously. I know that it is healthy to have things to look forward to but I also don’t think that it is healthy to let disappointment affect me the way I sometimes let it. It’s almost like I feel like I should only be excited for the sure-fire things.

Please don’t get me wrong, there is no one instance that has made me feel this way. It has been a long time coming and I just hate the way I feel and the way it affects my family.
Thanks for letting me vent a little. I know it is healthy to talk about things rather then hold them inside.

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