Wednesday, February 17, 2010


It seems like lately the more time I spend at home, the more I want to be out. But when I do eventually go out, I wish I was at home. And all along I question if this is normal.

I work part-time. And I LOVE it! I love being able to spend so much time with my daughter and witness so many milestones. Sometimes I dread having to go into the office because I just want to be home with Hanna. Sometimes I can’t wait to go to the office just so I can get out of the house for a while.

I feel like I am on a rollercoaster some times.

This past weekend I think the roller coaster came crashing down. And now I am full of Mommy guilt. I don’t know what sparked it exactly but I think there are a lot of contributing factors and here are just a few…

1) The 50+ inches of snow we have received in the last 2 months that prevent safe road travel

2) The 2 rounds of a cold that I have had in the last month and half {I self diagnosed me with bronchitis}

3) Hanna’s recent venture down pneumonia lane

4) The winter blues

5) And well…it’s just to stinking cold to go out!

I cried. I was angry. I pouted for a day and a half. I yelled at Hanna. I didn’t talk to Stephen. It was awful.

I know that it is not Hanna’s fault that she is sick. I would do anything to make her better. I can’t imagine what she feels like {being sick, playing in the same house with the same toys for 2 weeks! and having nebulizer treatments 4 times a day}

I just needed to get out of the house. Go and do something. But the nebulizer treatments are making Hanna’s insides raw so the cold air makes her cough. And I really don’t want to take her anywhere too germy. {She doesn’t need to get any sicker} And they were calling for more snow.

So I stayed in.

Until I came to work yesterday.

Then I wanted to go home.

It really is annoying!!

My wonderful husband made me an appointment for a massage on Saturday with strict instructions to go for a mani and a pedi after. I think he realizes Momma is gonna lose it!!

This is all very normal…right?!?!


Lauren said...

I'm afraid I can't say what's normal for Mom's. I don't have any kids, not even married yet. But I can definitely sympathize for you. It sounds exhausting to be torn like that. But I understand the feeling because I've felt the same way before, just not in the same context. Hope you and Hannah get to feeling better soon. Stopping by from SITS.

Dina said...

It would be ABNORMAL if you DIDN'T feel this way. Mommyhood is bloody HARD.
I hope you are all feeling well by now,or at least better.